“Self Care Means Giving Yourself Permission To Pause”

Today is meant to celebrate independence. With everything happening in the world, that concept is being tested and redefined. It’s also a time when everything has turned upside down. Families are struggling to create some stability and normalcy.  Today, I want to share with you, momma, some ideas for independence from all the “doings” and “responsibilities”, so you can find some time just for you. 

I’ve been reading various articles about how moms are taking on additional loads and scrutiny about managing kids and work and home and on, and on……I caught the article about the mom that was fired, because her boss didn’t like hearing her kids in the background. Now, I certainly don’t know all the details, but I felt so angry and upset reading the story. 

Mamas have so much on their plate, and always have, so I want to offer some nurturing and support, because I feel ya. I’ve got two teenage boys, and very vividly remember the struggle I had, and the exhaustion I felt, managing two businesses, and homeschooling them up until they were in 3rd grade. Self care was an afterthought. I got so depleted that I suffered from what doctors could only categorize as chronic fatigue syndrome. I could barely drag my backside off the couch for over a year. 

My healing journey required me to look at my boundaries. Here’s a great image that sums it up. 

Learning the boundary categories was a revelation to me. Oh my goddess, it really helped me to see where I was losing energy. When I spent some time observing how I had allowed others to step all over my boundaries, I started to feel a new-found sense of control.

I had to identify the biggest offenders (people & situations) and make a plan to learn how to say “NO!” or renegotiate the terms and conditions of my relationship with these people & situations. I’m sure a few people and situations pop into your mind immediately. Dear mama, learning how to say no and renegotiate are the pillars of self care. 

Have a look at these areas in your life. The first step to creating more space for yourself to rest, restore, and recharge is to identify the areas where you give too much, or don’t get enought help. Awareness is golden. Once you’ve noticed where you’ve been on autopilot, the quicker you can start making changes to free up your time, and bring back some personal joys. 

Ask yourself these questions. Be honest with yourself by giving each question a 1-10 rating, 1 being a no and 10 being a big, fat yes. 

1. How much do you need to please others?
2. How much do you compare yourself to others?
3. How much do you complain each day?
4. How much do you take care of your own needs each day? 
5. How difficult is it to say no?

Now, answer these questions and let the answers bubble up. This is about allowing your deeper, intuitive voice to speak to you. 

1. When do you feel emotionally drained? Why?
2. When do you feel physically drained? Why?
3. How do you spend most of your time each day?
4. Do you have control over your stuff, your belongings, your personal items? If no, why?

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Now, decide how you’d like to strenghten your boundaries. You have a choice. Remember the compound effect: small, smart steps, consistently over time = massive transformation. 

Sending you love and strength, dear momma!